I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
