we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
