Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
