So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize