Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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