I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
