malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
