but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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