you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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