Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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