Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
