There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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