How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
