tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
