So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
