i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
