He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
