The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
