His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
