now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
