you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
