You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
