Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize