while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
