Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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