She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
