i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
