now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
