trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
