i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
