So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
