At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The power of my boobs compel you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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