I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize