last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
