I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
