well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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