can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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