Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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