We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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