Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
