I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
