his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
