grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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