dude i'm inner monologue high
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
