nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
