i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just invented taco cereal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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