What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
