I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What drink are we having for lunch?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize