would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
