You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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