is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
