I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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