tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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