when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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