And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
