The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize