Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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