i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
