OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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