OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
