Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
